Before looking at what we can do to nurture relationships, it’s important to identify any blockages getting in the way of manifesting them in the first place.
Scan the list of words below. Do you think any apply to you as a result of, or reason for ending a relationship? Or, maybe you think some of them apply to you right now, in the midst of a relationship.
If they do apply, know that you have chosen each and every one of them. No one has made you feel the above emotions – your thoughts and beliefs alone have conjured them. And you never have to experience any of them, ever again, if you choose not to.
For many, these words sum up entire life experiences of romantic relationships – after the romance has worn off. Mainly because it’s easy to keep going back for more of the same due to unnecessary, pre-programmed beliefs.
Some of these beliefs are:
- ‘If only…’ I had this type of person, or that type of relationship, or this new house or that body, I would be happy.
- ‘That’s Just Life’: go to school, have a career, get married, get a mortgage, settle into child rearing and if you’re stuck with someone you don’t really like at the end of all that – oh well – it’s harder to start a new life than to stay in an unhappy one, because everyone should just ‘stick it out’. (Probably the most copied blueprint for life in the world).
- That we have no control over what happens externally, within our own lives. That we have no control over who we meet, how others act towards us or how others make us feel.
The benefits of holding these beliefs are:
- None. ‘If only’ is a way of escaping the fact that you’re unhappy with your own choices and looking for anything external that may help. It won’t. If you don’t know that you make your own choices – you may accidentally choose badly again and continue to live a life of, ‘if only…’
- None. ‘That’s Life’ is the cop out statement of all cop out statements. ‘That’s Life’ means you haven’t become aware that you are the director of your own happiness. And please, let’s all let go of the above blueprint for life as the ‘norm’ and finally put it to rest for the benefit of future generations. If it’s what you choose to do because it makes your heart sing, fabulous. But if you think it’s how you’re supposed to live because ‘That’s Life’ and you scramble and claw to find the perfect partner to begin the above blueprint, at the expense of learning about and loving yourself, you can also look forward to a life of saying to yourself and others: ‘That’s life’ and ‘If only’.
- Absolutely none. Because it is entirely untrue. Read belief number 3 again and come back to this. It’s entirely untrue. We are spiritual beings simply playing at being human. Life is a play and we are the directors of our own plays. We have attracted everything we have, or don’t have into our lives. As soon as you’re old enough to know you can think for yourself, there is not one person on the entire planet who can control you or your feelings or your thoughts – unless you let them.
The fact is all relationships are spiritual. All relationships lead to our own personal growth. All relationships are lessons and, if we choose to open our awareness to this, we begin to live in a world where the words and beliefs above don’t exist.
And that’s all they are – words and pre-programmed beliefs. In your own movie, words and beliefs can seem as hard to slay as fire-breathing dragons, when, really, saying ‘abracadabra’ could work just as well as nearly dying in battle in excruciating pain. Just write ‘abracadabra’ into the script instead of the horror movie alternative.
Words start as thoughts, or act as a catalyst to creating thoughts, which then create the emotions that wound relationships and, to a much larger degree, affect the vibration of the whole human race in the ways we relate to each other.
So, before you start on the journey of fostering spiritual relationships, if you haven’t already done so, realise that not only will you be increasing your own frequency, but helping to raise the frequency of the entire planet as well.
This leads us to the first step:
1. Remember You are the Most Important Person in Your Life
All you need to remember, no matter which blueprint you’ve copied – is that you can make up your own at any time. Once you remember this, you’ll be released from the illusion that you ‘must’ do certain things, be with certain people or make certain impressions in order to be happy. Then you can get onto the path of making yourself happy.
So much is written on how to make ourselves happy, how to increase confidence, how to attract what we want, that it can seem like an overwhelming amount of work, just to be happy with ourselves.
It’s not hard work. It can take as little as 1 second to be happy with yourself. Think about how good it feels to drop 10 bags of heavy groceries on the floor after you carry them up 4 flights of stairs. You feel freedom, relief, lightness. Drop everyone else’s ideals and realise that yours are the only ones that matter. You can do this right now in the same amount of time it takes to drop the groceries. After all, you’re only dropping thoughts – and you’re about to make liberating new ones.
It is so true that you can’t love others until you love yourself. Loving yourself means putting yourself first, listening to your intuition and remembering that you are here for one simple reason – to grow towards the highest version of yourself via releasing the inhibiting thoughts and programs of others, therefore letting yourself flow with what comes your way, rather than struggle against it.
Only then will you be able to offer someone else a love that comes from the heart, a love with no strings attached. No strings attached means knowing within yourself that you are just as happy on your own, as with a partner. It means knowing that you can give yourself everything you need.
Because you can.
2. Release All Control
Yes, ALL of it. Every last toxic skerrick. Release your perceived control over others and their perceived control over you. This is really very simple, because it’s an illusion anyway, so control based thoughts will disappear as soon as you remember they have as little substance as a puff of smoke.
You’re making up stories in your mind when you think you have control over someone or they have control over you. Fictional stories. If you’re going to make up stories, why not aim for excitement, adventure, action, love? You’re going to manifest a very limited audience for yourself if your story is about boring old control issues…
A common statement indicating someone is living in a fictional story of control is:
“I just wish he/she didn’t have so much emotional control over me.”
Really read this statement over and over a few times. It reveals itself as completely ridiculous when you do. Merlin the Magician may have the power to control the emotions inside another person in a fairytale – other than that it’s absolutely impossible. And if it is possible, then it’s just as possible to wave your own magic wand to banish it.
No one can give you or make you have an emotion. You give it to yourself with your thoughts about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING.
You can’t give someone else an emotion. They give it to themselves with their thoughts about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING.
It’s always acceptable to ask someone to modify their behaviour if it doesn’t agree with you and vice versa, because it’s not acceptable to your higher self to just ‘put up with’ scenarios that don’t resonate with you.
However, if, after being asked, that person doesn’t wish to modify their behaviour, or you don’t, it’s insanity to let this give you an angry, controlling thought. The sane and loving thing to do would be to extract yourself from the situation, or allow them to leave easily or…compromise of all compromises…actually just live and let live.
Simply accept people for who they are and what they do. You’ll then manifest acceptance back to you.
3. Realise Love Doesn’t Have to Mean ‘Joined at the Hip’
A spiritual relationship consists of two individuals on their own paths, who’ve decided to share roadways for a time. Both individuals help each other to learn and grow along those separate paths, while enjoying the experience of both paths meeting up – sometimes alongside each other, sometimes branching out in different directions. Both accept, embrace and love each because of this individuality, therefore continually supporting growth.
Relationships don’t have to consist of anything else. You don’t have to have joint bank accounts, or even live in the same place. You don’t have to get married, you don’t have to get rings, you don’t have to have children. You don’t have to like the same movies or clothes or activities. You don’t have to go to every function together and you don’t have to know where each other is at all times. You choose which experiences you wish to have together, because you both want to experience them. You retain your own cherished experiences and allow them to retain theirs with peace and harmony. Nothing more, nothing less.
Equality, freedom and acceptance form loving relationships, not society driven ‘normal’ behaviours that label it as one.
4. Listen, Listen, Listen
The partners we choose always reflect a part of ourselves. As soon as any irritation or defensiveness arises within you, know that the issue is yours, not your partners, and listen to it.
Even if you’re judging them for something you think you KNOW they’re doing wrong, the issue is yours because you’re the one judging, which is another form of making up stories to go along with negative thoughts or negative emotions. Always briefly listen to the negative thought you have and feel the emotion, but don’t label it. Don’t buy into it. Just observe it. That way, you can figure out the root of the issue and release it.
Listening, really listening, actually negates all invalid arguments; listening to yourself and to others. It’s impossible to argue with someone when they’re really listening to you, and listening to themselves, all with the intent of growth. If you remain aware you are on a path of growth, you are the director of your life and you and only you manifest your future experiences, you’re not going to deliberately manifest a future filled with judgement and arguments.
5. Talk, Talk, Talk
If no subject is taboo between partners, talking is free, easy, fascinating, ever-changing and a source of constant learning. In a spiritual relationship, communication is void of manipulation for self-serving purposes. Communication is completely open, as both are able to speak without thought, without worry, without judgement.
All of your own insecurity issues must be released before you can communicate effectively in close relationships. You need to let go of being afraid of judgement and you need to ensure you have the awareness to override your own judgement.
Relationships are pure bliss when communication is completely honest, even if you’re disagreeing with each other; it can be an enjoyable learning experience to disagree with another when judgement and righteousness are absent.
Ask yourself these questions. Can I speak openly and honestly with my partner about our romantic histories? Can I hear about my partner’s ex-partners without jealousy, judgement or comparison to myself?
It can seem like jealousy and judgement are ingrained emotions we have nothing to do with and can’t help, let alone control. They happen so quickly – one word, or look can trigger these feelings. To reconnect on a spiritual path in the midst of these emotions, talk about them. Immediately release them, tell your partner what you feel when you feel it and you’ll uncover the monster thought hiding beneath the emotion.
The beast is then let out of the cage to fly away to freedom. Freedom within a relationship is knowing your partner can’t work magic on you and can’t make you feel bad no matter what they say or do. You are making you feel bad with your thoughts about what they say or do. You are the only one with the power to do so.
As with listening, if you decide you don’t agree with what you talk about, if it doesn’t resonate with you, if it quite simply doesn’t work – that’s your experience to deal with, not their responsibility to change, they are on their own path and rightly so. It’s your decision as to whether you invite more of it into your life, or less, or none.
If you choose not to, it’s still a spiritual experience, it’s a lesson, it’s a necessity and there’s nothing wrong with relationships ‘failing’. They don’t fail, they simply end in terms of that particular journey you experienced together. The feeling of failure comes from nothing more than allowing your thoughts turn your experience into a negative one.
* * *
It takes discipline to train yourself to continually be aware of your thoughts. Not work, just discipline. But it’s a delightful challenge. Each time you become aware of a negative thought, the very act of becoming aware of it has diminished it – you’ve already caught your dragon! Next step is to release it.
When you can do this, you manifest people into your life who can also do it (and everyone can do it, it’s just a matter of becoming aware…and eventually we all will in one life or another).
It’s very easy to detect a spiritually aware person. You look into their eyes once, have one conversation, very quickly feel their vibration match your own. It may or may not mean romantic involvement; it may mean a beautiful new friendship. Whatever it means though, when you are spiritually aware, those with vibrations matching your own will enter your life through your own manifestations.
The only thing left to do is enjoy the love story that evolves – and leave those ‘strings’ of attachment to your thoughts and beliefs with the dragon.
Author: Nicole Leigh West
Quote Art: Nicole Leigh West
Very insightful and inspiring! Thank you for a lovely article. What a beautiful, nourishing site. I feel like I come home when I come here. Namaste.
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Well said, Nicole. It is so true that you can feel the vibrations of those around you. Over the years, the more I get in touch with the depth within me, the more I attract people into my life who nourish my soul.